So I Banged Bigfoot
So I Banged Bigfoot
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I'm so excited to have won my very own episode of The Mating Game, but I'm getting a little antsy waiting for filming to start.
When an afternoon adventure leads me straight into an avalanche, my life flashes before my eyes. Someone is coming to save me, and he's not human.
Please let him be friendly...
I wake up in Lars' arms. In his bed. He's a security specialist for The Mating Game, and I've only met him in his human form. Now, he's anything but. He's big, fuzzy, and has a penchant for talking dirty.
Things get hot fast, and the next thing I know, he's asking me to take my clothes off. It's more like a demand.
Am I really going to bang Bigfoot?
I'm totally gonna do this...
This story was previously available in Monsters in Love: Monsterous Ever After.
- Bigfoot hero
- Fangirl fantasy
- Opposites attract
- Fabulous fairy dragmother
- He does WHAT with his tail?!
- Fuzzy Monster romance
Read Chapter One
Read Chapter One
I was bored.
I know, poor Hannah, being put up in an all-expenses-paid luxury chalet in Sunset Springs, Colorado in a suite with a fireplace, a soaking tub, the comfiest bed I’d ever slept in, and a breathtaking view of the mountains while I waited to star in my own episode of The Mating Game.
I had absolutely nothing to bitch about.
After I had won a contest to be the next contestant on the show, production called me in earlier than I expected. I was under the impression this meant we’d start the search for the shifter who would be my forever mate ASAP.
Since reality shows are synonymous with drama, I’d been bumped twice for Mating Game emergencies. Now I was more than ready to find a beast to call my own.
Maybe it was time to cause my own emergency.
“Don’t you look adorable, sleepy head.” Bibi le Bonnet, host and fairy dragmother of The Mating Game greeted me in the lobby of the chalet and gave me cheek kisses. “Good morning.”
She was dressed to the nines with a fuzzy purple jacket, matching metallic leggings, and an aqua wig.
“They’re my jammies,” I said. “I was just coming down for a latte and an egg sandwich.”
“Leopard print pajamas are fierce. You look amazing in everything.”
People were watching us—a six-foot-something drag queen and a pajama-clad woman with half a head of lavender hair and a good amount of ink tended to turn a head or two. Plus, everyone in Sunset Springs knew that Bibi le Bonnet usually had a camera crew in tow…which made my heart flutter in my chest.
“Did you come to tell me something?” I could barely conceal my excitement. I’d had a lot of time to imagine the moment she told me it was time to start my episode, but I never pictured it happening in the lobby of the chalet in my pajamas.
I took a quick peek around the lobby, hoping to spot a camera, maybe one of the producers…oh hell, I’d even go for one of the pesky paparazzi that always seemed to hang around the show. But none of them were there.
Bibi gasped and put her hand over her mouth. “Oh. No, it’s not time to start your episode yet. We’re still dealing with the Marissa situation. But once we’ve got that settled, your episode gets the green light. The chalet spa is the best in Sunset Springs, and I simply can’t trust anyone else with my facial. I could see if they have another appointment available if you’d like to join me.”
“I just had one.” I waved my hands in front of my bare face. My skin had never been so clear. I was a frequent flier at the spa. “I was thinking of heading out for the afternoon.”
“Oooh, an adventure sounds fun. When you get back, how about a girls’ night tonight at my house? I can invite some of the other ladies over, maybe for charcuterie and board games?”
“Sounds amazing.” I was excited. Girls’ night at Bibi’s house was always epic. She had a way of making everything over the top.
“Call me when you get back, and I’ll let the ladies know.” Bibi was satisfied the problem was solved when she left me with an air kiss.
Maybe I should’ve let her book me an appointment at the spa. I’d already explored every inch of Sunset Springs, watched everything streaming, and I was sick of going into The Mating Game Forums. As a superfan turned contestant-in-waiting, I couldn’t quite wrap my head around the fact that I’d become the topic of conversation.
Some fans thought I hadn’t gotten my episode yet because they couldn’t find shifters willing to be with me. Others thought I’d made myself a problem, because they loved to wax dramatic about the show.
There was a small contingent that thought I’d lied about winning the spot.
Hell no to that negative energy. The perfect beast was ready, willing, and able to claim me, no matter when my name got listed as number one on the call sheet.
Today, I needed to get away from everything. Adventure for the win.
Heading out of Sunset Springs for the day felt like skipping school. No particular destination in mind, this was one of those trips where I’d turn when it felt right, and come home in time to get ready for hanging out with Bibi and the girls.
It was a gorgeous, warm winter day. The red rock mountains were calling to me. Many of the beasts that came into Sunset Springs called these mountains home, and I was curious about their villages. Maybe there would be some cute little shops I could support, or find a fun place to grab lunch and a fancy coffee.
Once I passed Woodland Park, the highway turned into a windy country road. The snow was much deeper up here, almost covering the sign that said it was ten miles until the next village, and the signs for the ski lodges near Mount Deception.
No wonder all these shifter guys were in such good shape. They were running up and down mountains both ways in the snow.
I wished I knew what it was like to shift. To break free of my human constraints and become something entirely different. To be one with nature.
Okay, I wasn’t exactly the outdoorsy type, but maybe if I had some fur and fangs, I could learn to love it.
It was the pack culture that did it for me. Spending time on Colorado Ranch and seeing how they’d welcomed in all their newcomers made me want to be a part of their world. Before I came here, I’d worked in the music business, where everything was cutthroat. People I’d considered my friends had stabbed me in the back to get ahead.
So over it.
I was so happy that I’d already found a fierce girl gang in Sunset Springs, and I was looking forward to adding a mate to the mix.
Those signs that said ten miles lied. There was no town in sight. The road had narrowed to a ribbon, and the snow-covered red rocks jutted straight up into the sky.
The options for turning around were bleak. I slowed to a crawl—the only car on the lonely, windy road—and checked my GPS.
My phone was taking emergency calls only, and apparently, this was not an emergency.
At the next intersection, I’d turn around and head back to—
“Sweet mother of the moon.” I jumped at the cracking sound as a wall of snow dropped off the mountain in front of me. It wasn’t even a mountain, more like a cliff. The geographical term wasn’t important at the moment. The urge to swerve was useless because there was nowhere to go. I screamed, shrinking back in my seat, like that would help—and maybe it did. The brakes activated just in time to avoid the avalanche.
What’s up, near death experience. I needed to get the fuck out of here, now. I threw the car in reverse. If I had to make a ninety-seven-point turn to head back to Sunset Springs, so be it.
But the road behind me had also become an all-snow situation.
A pile of snow landed on the hood with a whump. I could barely breathe.
Everything went blue gray as the avalanche swallowed my car.
Okay, think positive, Hannah. You can get out of this.
I thanked the moon that production insisted on renting a souped-up SUV for me instead of the convertible sports car I’d lobbied so hard for. I unhooked my seatbelt and climbed into the backseat, looking for the shovel, and trying to remember the instructions I’d been given in case I got stuck in a snowstorm. I hadn’t really digested it, because I had no reason to be out in a storm, and what idiot got stuck in an avalanche?
Hi, it’s me. I’m the idiot who got stuck in an avalanche. When I had been thinking of creating an emergency to get my episode started sooner, this was definitely not what I had in mind.
With shovel in hand, I pushed on the door handle.
I managed to move the door just enough to make the door ajar bell beep.
“Stop it!” I screamed at the car, like it was the one who got me into this mess. I turned the ignition off, only to make the beeping stop. Then I realized that if I’d left it on, carbon monoxide would flood the car, killing me.
So instead, I’d likely freeze to death with no heat.
No, I wouldn’t be stuck here that long. I had to believe that.
With fragile optimism, I turned back to the snow, which had quickly become a wall of concrete. I jammed my shoulder against the window. The door didn’t budge, but my shoulder smarted. Maybe I could break the glass with the shovel.
I imagined the snow spilling into the car through the broken window and my panic grew. There would only be so much oxygen inside the car, and it would probably be mixed with the chemicals from the engine and exhaust. Sweat ran down my back as I took deep breaths of precious oxygen to calm myself.
I texted Bibi, praying that somehow the message got out. I had no idea where I was, but maybe the text could be traced.
That was if my phone didn’t die before anyone realized I was gone.
Someone—or something—roared in the distance, sending me straight out of my seat. Like my heart needed another reason to race. Maybe it was a wolf or a lion. There were many of them in the area. Whatever it was, I hoped it was friendly.
The likelihood of it finding me, friendly or not, under this mountain of snow was grim at best.
The roar turned into a low rumble. The sound shook deep in my bones. The sweat running down my back turned cold.
The car got darker. Probably more snow. But that rumbling was getting louder.
The darkness around me shifted, turning brighter, like a sliver of sun had managed to melt through the snow. Maybe the heat of the car was doing some good after all. I imagined myself turning on the car and backing out of here, like nothing—
I definitely had not visualized anything scooping away the snow. What the hell was that?
It looked like a hand, but it was too big.
“Help!” That was some straight-up damsel in distress bullshit right there. The scoop was definitely a hand, and whoever it belonged to was aware that I needed some assistance.
Please be friendly.
And if they weren’t, I had a shovel and I wasn’t afraid to use it.
The next roar rocked the car, and whoever was on the other side grabbed the car handle, shaking the car back and forth like they didn’t know how to open a car door.
My instinct was to lock it. I wasn’t going down like some horror movie heroine, but chances were getting better by the moment that I was gonna die out here.
The creature ripped the door off the hinges, revealing a giant, furry body. It wasn’t human, or like any shifter that I’d ever seen before. Its giant hands reached into the car, and as I gripped the shovel, a scream turned to cement in my throat, the world went black.